The pain of infertility

I met a friend two days back. She has been married for 13 years and has got two kids.

She asked me about the treatments I have gone through. When I was talking to her, I got a bit emotional. I thought she would understand my pain but instead she started lecturing me about the life. She told me that I need to come out of all this and start doing something good with my life. Thinking about all this is not good and I need to take my life positively.

I agree to whatever she said. I know that there are so many other things in life and I need to concentrate on those things instead of only worrying about having kids. I always try to keep myself busy by painting  articles, reading books and surfing on net etc. but this thing is always there at the back of my mind and I can't stop doing that. It is not easy to forget about this. I expect my family and friends to understand that and thankfully my family is very good and supportive but there are a few friends who don't seem to understand and want me to move ahead in the life. Maybe, they are my well wishers but then they also need to understand the pain I am going through. Maybe, I am being a little too tough on them but these days, life seems tough to me and it is making life difficult for me....

Infertility treatment

It all started in early 2005 when we started planning our family. When I didn't conceive for a few months, we went to see a doctor and I was asked to get the ultrasound done to check my follicle formation. Follicle formation was not at all good but I was also diagnosed with uterine fibroid. After seeing a few more doctors, I went through laproscopy and Myomectomy surgery. After waiting for 3 months after this surgery, Doctor put me on Letroz and injections and I was asked to try naturally although we had to go for scans every alternate day to check the ovulation. When it didn't happen naturally for a few months, doctor suggested me to go for IUI.
During this time, we also shifted to a new place so we went to see another good doctor. They also suggested to go for IUI. I went through 6 IUIs at regular intervals in almost 2 years. Again, it was a failure every time. IUI is not painful but it costs you some money. So when we were asked to go for IVF, we waited for some time. Finally, we had IVF in Dec 2009. 5 embryos were developed and out of those 2 were transferred and 3 were preserved. When the test was done after 15 days, it was positive and we were so happy. The test was done again after 2 days, the reading started going down instead of increasing. It again happened after 2 days. I was very sad when doctor told me this was a chemical pregnancy and I had to stop all the medicines right then. We were shocked and I remember I cried for so many days.
We were still hopeful and we again went for embryo transfer after 3 months. This time, there was nothing - no positive test, no pregnancy and not even chemical pregnancy....
It's been almost 1 1/2 years but I still feel that mental pain I had gone through. We might plan to have another IVF but we would like to be mentally, physically and financially prepared for that......

Wanna-be-a-mom

I am writing this blog for all those women, who have been trying to conceive for a very long time....

I have been trying to conceive from last seven years. After going through all the possible infertility treatments, I am still waiting for a day when someone will call me MOM..It's been so long trying to conceive that now I feel tired even to try and fail one more time. Everyday I see something in the market or on TV which reminds me that I am having this big hole in my life which can only be filled by my child.
I was 27 when I got married and we thought to wait for an year before we started planning our family. But no one told me that everything can not happen as per your plan. When I didn't conceive for an year, we went to see the doctor and I was diagnosed with uterine fibroid. My follicle growth was also not good. My doctor said the fibroid was quite big and needed to be removed. Since it was not in the uterus but on the outer side, it wouldn't affect my cavity. The surgery was successful and then doctor put me on medicines for follicle growth. My follicle growth was also good with the help of medicines but it never helped me to conceive. Since then, I have gone through all the treatments including IUI & IVF but I am still waiting for that day to come..
There was a time when the only important things in my life were my family, my job and my dream to be a mom. After working so hard in my job for 7 years, I left my job because everyone said that job creates a lot of stress so it could be a reason I was not conceiving. It's been 4 1/2 years now since I left my job but this also hasn't helped. Although the stress I have been having becuase of not conceiving has created a lot of other problems in my body. Fibromyalgia and TMJ disorder are the major problems I am facing right now along with this problem of infertility. This has been caused by hours and hours of my crying everyday.
Sometimes, I am forced to think whether my trying to conceive is worth all the problems I am facing..How come it was so easy for me to leave the job for having a baby when there was a time when the job was my life...I have always been very fond of kids and all the kids in my family love me very very much. Is it not enough for me? But then, they have to go back to their moms everyday..There is no one who would hug me and give me a sweet smile before I sleep. there is no one who would come from the school and say.."Look Mom, I did it!"..
There are so many things I would like to share with you. My feelings and my pain can only be understood by those who themselves are going through this pain.